I recently received a newsletter in which the writer asked if his readers had ever experienced self-reflection that led to life changes. He said if we had, to hit reply and let him know. So I did…Here’s what I said:

Hi Hugh,

How do you get your ideas for these newsletters? Every week you always have something interesting to say. And often it starts with just a simple, every day story. I want that kind of dedication. That kind of discipline.

I've been struggling to think of what to write on my blog. Every time I have somewhat of an idea, I get a bit overwhelmed at the thought of diving into the details of it all. Almost like I don't want writing to zap away my energy. I'm probably too worried about making it interesting or worthwhile. Rather than just starting a stream of consciousness and seeing what happens. Kind of like this email to you.

At a museum in San Francisco, a mirror has undergone the art of kintsugi.

As far as your question about self-reflection that led to life changes...Over the last year or so, from time to time, I would feel an underlying, general dissatisfaction. I realized it was due to two things.

One, was that I was missing a like-minded, purposeful community in my life. I came to this realization when I found myself feeling envious of my boyfriend who has a large and interesting community both at work and outside of work (he's very active in the Effective Altruism (EA) community). The other was that I wasn't devoting myself to anything objectively meaningful or impactful.

Regarding community: I thought about my envy and realized, I didn't actually want exactly what he did. I'm very happy working from home at a fully remote company with flexible hours and time to work on my art or whatever else I want to do. I'm also not as invested in the EA community, although I will be doing a fellowship on connecting EA and Judaism which should be pretty interesting! Still, it will be a temporary learning experience, rather than something I want to dedicate my life to. At least that’s what I think…

One thing I know I could dedicate my life to, and have always loved to do (really, since I was a kid) is to make people laugh and to use my imagination. Since I was missing the camaraderie of working towards a common passion with others, I decided to join an improv class again. Years ago, I'd taken classes and really enjoyed it. But between changing life circumstances and the pandemic I somehow didn't stick with it. We started a couple weeks ago and it has been wonderful! Each week I look forward to having something to challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone. Moreover, I have met a new group of people who are fun and quirky and interesting! It will be great to see how we all get better at improv (and life) together.

Not an improv show, but a magic show that involved some improv.

Re making an impact: I have always struggled with comparison, and one of my favorite quotes is "Comparison is the thief of joy." I realized I was comparing myself and my life to my boyfriend’s. I felt like with EA, he has such a great purpose and drive that brings such wonderful meaning to his life. It lights him up whenever he talks about it, or even just thinks about it... What is my project? What is my ultimate goal to leave a positive mark on this earth?

What I realized during this self-reflection (and through discussion with my boyfriend about it) is that it's ok to not have these incredibly lofty and ambitious, save-the-future-of-humanity goals like he does. It's ok if my goals are just to improve my personal life in ways that set me up for one of the most important goals in my life: starting a family. So late last year, I decided to make some healthy life changes (diet, exercise, meditation, education, and all the other good-for-you life things). I'm still working on it and trying to improve myself and my routines. But that's the journey of life I guess. A constant work in progress. So whether you're 50 or 30, there's always going to be work to do. Like you said, the important thing is to ask the questions. Reflect on the answers. And do something about it.

Self-reflection can lead to life changes