On finding love
Photos by Eleanor Photo
Today marks two years I’ve been with this amazing man. I love him so much and I’m so grateful to have him in my life.
It’s hard to put into words why you love someone. Of course you can easily list out all their wonderful qualities and personality traits. Or you can talk about how you make each other better versions of yourselves. How you teach, support, and encourage each other. How you make each other laugh.
But that feeling you get when you’re with them…That comfort and feeling of home and safety and pure joy…those words aren’t enough.
But I’m not just here to write about how I feel about him now. I’m writing for the me of two+ years ago…
If you asked me just over two years ago how I felt about dating and finding the right person…I’d have given you a big sigh. Maybe even a little cry. A dramatic rant about how I was gonna be single forever. And I should maybe get used to the idea…
Point is. I’d have been honest that it was tough.
Because looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with was one of my top goals. And it was taking a long time.
But here’s the thing. I chose not to give up.
Yes, there were periods where I swore off dating apps or where I told myself I would take a break… So many people give you the advice: “Go live your life and let it happen when you least expect it.”
So I….didn’t do that at all. How is that good advice? You’re telling me to just pretend finding a partner is not one of the most important things to me?? To just go la deee daaaa through life as of I’m not always thinking about it??? You’re saying I can just take solace in the fact that when I truly cast aside this utmost significant aspect of life for the majority of humans, HE’LL JUST APPEAR??!?!?
Ok Ok. I know that’s not really what that advice is about…but, it just wasn’t really for me. I needed to continue to make a conscious effort.
And of course. I’m beyond happy that I did. I met Vlad. And we basically knew right away that we were it for each other.
Am I saying that if you don’t give up, eventually you’ll find someone and know right away they are “your person?” No. Is that a reason to give up? Also no. It’s a reason to try and see what happens to YOU.
Ok, so, moral of the story: If you’re single, and you don’t want to be, don’t let the amount of time you’ve been single discourage you. Time is a weird weird thing…
I remember a few years ago I was complaining to my mom about how hard it was to find someone. She told me something that really stuck and rings true today. At the time, I thought it was just a way to make me feel better. But over the past two years I’ve realized that it’s just one of those life lessons you have to experience for yourself.
Here’s what she said:
Everything can change so quickly.
That’s all she said. And she’s right. Life has a way of making you feel like change takes ages and ages sometimes, while at others, everything happens in a flash. You can’t always control the pace. But you can keep searching and going after the things you want. Whether that’s a boyfriend, getting married, having kids, changing jobs, getting fit, moving cities….whatever it is.
I think the only thing that has any influence on time are the choices you make. So I hope you make the ones that lead you to happiness. I hope you don’t give up.
